I was a teenager in high school. Late 90’s. I had never really been on a date of any sort before, so this is a first first date story.
I met this girl online on AOL instant messenger. We chatted very frequently for a couple of weeks, then started talking over the phone almost every day. We were really hitting it off, so we started trying to figure out how to hangout together in person. Eventually, she invited me to come over to her house. I was stoked. She said she lived in a nearby suburb, and relayed some directions to me, which I wrote down on a piece of paper. It didn’t seem too far. She said her parents would be home, so my parents said it was ok for me to go over there. I mean, they were probably stoked I wanted to go see a girl too, as I’m pretty sure they were starting to think I was gay by then. I wasn’t, but that’s a separate messed-up story.
An issue came up, though. Her parents said she couldn’t hang out unless she cleaned her room, as it was really messy. I said “No problem! I’ll help you clean it and we can hang out after!” Genius, right?
Anyway, hormones firing on all 8 cylinders, I hop in the car and begin my journey. Turns out she didn’t really live in the city she said she did. That was just the nearest city to where she lived. I’m driving, driving, driving, further away from town thinking I’m lost, but I’m not. I remember turning around and doubling back a few times assuming I MUST have missed a turn. I did not yet own a cell phone to call and verify with her. Folks, the struggle was real back then, LOL. I just eventually followed the instructions as best I could, and eventually found my way. They were not good instructions. It was a miracle, really.
I go up, knock on the door. She and her parents answer the door and let me in. These parents were weird. They were basically gushing to meet me and let me in, but were strangely stoic at the same time, if that makes any sense whatsoever. Whatever. But then, all of a sudden , these parents that were going to be there while we hung out suddenly grabbed all of their things and bounced. Drove off. Huh, weird. They just left this strange boy they’ve never met and their daughter alone in their house. Good thing I’m not a creep, I guess?
This girl is grinning happy, but then gives a warning. She says her room is really messy. I say “It’s ok! My room gets messy sometimes, too! Let’s just attack it real quick and then we can hang out.”
Narrator: No, the boy did not actually know what a real messy room was.
We go in her room and I am shocked. I try not to show it, but it’s bad. Really bad. Every surface in the room is covered with stuff. No part of her floor is visible. Just clothes, toys, books, all sorts of stuff covering the floor, the bed, the shelves, the dressers. I take a moment to look around and take it all in. I’m already here. I’ve already agreed to help her with this, and I really want to get to the hanging out part. I clap my hands and say “Welp! Let’s grab some trash bags!”
So I spend the next couple of hours at least helping straighten out this disaster zone. Now, you really get to know a person when you dig through all of their stuff. There were a couple of things of note. First, it became apparent that this had never been done. Ever. As we pulled up the strata of clothing and toys on the floor, it was like an archaeological dig. The further we got down, the smaller the clothing became. The toys looked like those of a child younger and younger. By the time we got to the bottom, there was toddler clothing. Once able to get under the bed, there were baby toys under there.
At one point, I found a bible, and asked where she wanted to put it. Her eyes widened and she got very serious and placed it up on one of her shelves with the cover facing outward, on display. The manner in which she did this was a little creepy. Now, I was religious and had recently finished up Catechism at that point, so being happy to find your bible didn’t seem weird to me, but I found her a bit dramatic. Whatever. I keep going, and then I find a witchcraft book. SAME reaction. Eyes wide, she places it up next to the Bible. She then turns to me and says, “You know, sometimes, I feel like I’m a bit closer to the devil.”
Like an oblivious character in a horror movie, I don’t get too freaked out. I’m like, dang, this girl is weird and has some issues or something. She starts talking about sex. Saying something along the lines of how she’s had it before, and wondering if I have or not. A lot of things were said by her that, out of context, may have been just a bit quirky. All together like that in that setting, though, I really wondered what was going on with this girl.
Eventually, we finished the cleaning. Many bags of trash and old clothes and toys all bagged up. Vacuumed, dusted, bed made. It felt so good and clean and open. A sense of self satisfaction. She sits down on the bed with a weird look on her face. Looking down at the floor. I say, “Alright! Now we get to actually hang out! What would you like to do?”
Her parents walk in the front door. She slaps her knees and says “Welp! It was nice hanging out! My parents said I could hang out until [this time], so you’ll have to go home now. Maybe we can hang out again soon!”
Narrator: They would not.
On my way out, I look around at the house once more. It seems normal. Clean. Very clean, even.
We didn’t really chat anymore after that. I actually tried to, mainly out of curiosity and concern. I had questions at this point, as you would imagine. She no longer had interest in responding. I just hope she appreciated having her room be comfortable.
I was gonna say, this sounds familiar.
Really though, some times it’s by design. I remember back when you could jailbreak your iPhone (effectively). Those were the days…so much cool shit you could do on an iPhone back then.
One of the things you could do though was change your animation speed. You know, just how fast it would do those little swoops and sweeps and things like that when opening apps or transitioning or whatever. It was a little thing, but I appreciated being able to change it, a lot. I used to set it at 0 so everything was as snappy as possible. No animations, just pop pop pop. Like in Windows 7 when you turn off all animations and effects. I would experiment though sometimes with new iOS versions on other devices as well as my own when they came out. Don’t want to be left behind and be susceptible to security risks, right?
It didn’t take me long to catch on that they would, little by little, extend the animations times slightly as they got closer to a new major version number release. I noticed that when you would upgrade, they would adjust the animation speed again with the major release, but instead of slowing it down, put it back to normal. They basically made it so that when you finally upgraded to the new (slightly buggy) major version, you felt it ran better and were happy you did so. It was all a trick, and you were being manipulated. It didn’t run better, it just seemed that way because they slowed down the previous version’s animations. Now, I know how Apple thinks and works. It’s both to make sure you’re on the latest version they can get you on as well as try to keep you thinking they are always improving things and be happy you upgraded. But, it’s just a bit disappointing to realize that they’re manipulating you in little ways like that to keep you on-board.
Not the first time Google or phone manufacturers have taken some cues from Apple’s practices in this area. It seems like time and time again we see some people like Android users and Linux enthusiasts complaining about Apple’s practices only to be dismayed that Google or their favorite phone manufacturer starts practicing the very same thing. The fact of the matter is, Apple did ALL the research. They don’t care about all us nerds who see what’s going on. We’re the minority. The majority are happily manipulated in this way, unknowingly. Why wouldn’t they follow suit? Apple is WILDLY successful.